Sunday, February 9, 2014


One important aspect of my work as a blogger is to keep track of the comments and make sure that they are appropriate.  This involves not only the effect of comments on my work, but also the effect of comments on the readers who come to the blog looking for a place to air their thoughts and ideas. 

Interestingly enough, I see I wrote about this topic from another angle just last September.  So, clearly, this is an ongoing issue!

Saturday, September 21, 2013


When I began to consider writing this blog, it wasn't so much that I wanted to write the blog so much as I was called to write it.  I felt an almost religious compulsion to start the blog and continue to write as much good information on it as I could find. 
I did everything I could to avoid setting up the blog, but in the end I found the call to write this blog so powerful that it really swept away all my worries and concerns that there might be some very damaging consequences to authoring this blog somewhere down the line.  The work that I do definitely challenges people who are in strong positions of power who could do me a lot of harm.  Like many others I am afraid of what they could do to me if I spoke out.  Still, I truly felt that God had called me to this work and that nothing I could do would stop me from proceeding with it. 
When I researched what blogging programs to use and finally settled on blogger, it was amazing how easily I was able to use the program and design my blogsite.  I felt as though I had magic in my fingers because everything that I did just came out right.  Somehow, within an amazingly short period of time the concepts I had for the blog in terms of the layout took no time at all to achieve.  As a result, I couldn't help but think that my stars were aligned and that some higher power was guiding me.  
In some ways I was terrified by writing the blog because doing so really puts you out there as a writer and an artist.  You are testing the quality of your work and character with an audience that really makes up its own mind and chooses what to read based on its own tastes.   
On the other hand, when I had problems in my family court case, when some action I had taken did not succeed, when I doubted my ability to survive, at least I could say to myself, my work will live on and encourage and strengthen women in my position well beyond the present day.  So the blog has given me hope and the courage to continue to move forward and to fight the battle even in my darkest hours. 
Still, there is no doubt that I continue to pay a price in terms of the cost to me of the many people on the internet who are angered by my work, who feel I have no business challenging the powerful cabals out there which are taking children away from their fit parents and destroying them financially. 
These people contact me regularly with threats, with abusive commentary, and also they attempt to prey upon my good will by sending me fake information about themselves in a ploy to find more information out about me, or to get me to practice law without a license by asking for legal advice. 
As everyone knows, since I have posted this on my blog, I am not an attorney.  But still people will pretend and take on fake identities hoping to compromise me and ask me for legal advice which I am not qualified to give. 
To be honest, I shouldn't really complain about this situation.  If I am actually doing my job, I should be making lots of people very angry and uncomfortable.  So when I end up receiving a considerable amount of threats and abuse, then it is quite likely I am succeeding in my work, so I should be very satisfied with that. 
On the other hand, no one wants to be the focus of verbal abuse.  It is as though people are throwing garbage at you and even though you know it is a sign of success to receive it, abusive feedback inevitably bears an emotional price for any blogger.  I do feel sad and unhappy when people send me messages like "You bitter old bitch--why don't you get a life!" 
I wouldn't be human if messages like that didn't strike me negatively. 
It does give me an electric shock when I suddenly realize that the dialogue I was having with a reader I assumed was an abused woman, turns out to actually be from an abusive guy.  Those types always like to jump out from behind their guises eventually and go "boo."   
Then I get the ones who threaten lawsuits and the like in very official language and accuse me of various forms of inaccuracy and slander. 
Luckily for me, I really have worked hard on my blog to make sure that my information is credible and accurate, so I feel pretty confident about that. 
Basically, I think I am pretty fair.  I am not interested in ruining reputations and spreading scandalous gossip.  I am more interested in holding people accountable in a way that is responsible and respectful of the circumstances.  What I would really like to do is help solve the problem, if I could, and I do what I can to point out what is the nature of the problem.  But I do not like to attack or embarrass individuals if I can avoid it. 
There are situations where I can't avoid specifically addressing a particular individual, for example, in the case of Attorney James T. Flaherty where his behavior has been so outrageous and caused harm to so many people.  But usually, I try to avoid pointing fingers, and I look to build bridges where I can and help people to see that there is a better way to conduct their business. 
Still, even as moderate as I am, or as I perceive myself, as I blogger I have received some very harsh personal attacks.  I understand that this is part of the territory and so I have learned to develop a thick skin in this area. 
I am always ready to reach out to change hearts and minds even with the most hostile individuals.  The bottom line is that these kinds of challenges will not silence me and they will not prevent me from speaking out about the fraud and wrongdoing I see taking place in family court every day here in Connecticut. 
Of course, what empowers me to say that are the many readers I have who encourage me and support me every single day of the week.  I could never do this work alone--so much arises from the tips I receive, the articles people send to me, and also peoples' stories which they've been willing to share with me and with the DIC reader community.  I am very grateful for that help and support every day.
I will continue to blog and do what I can to help, no matter what the obstacles.  This blog lets victims of family court here in Connecticut know they are not alone and they are not crazy.  No amount of threat is going to stop me from writing it. 

Monday, September 2, 2013


I posted about the foot dragging that has been going on with the Task Force on Custody hoping to bring the issue to everyone's attention.  Immediately, I received emails from readers saying that I was being naïve and that no amount of work on a task force would make any difference, that the system is so corrupt that the task force will be co-opted by folks who want the corruption to continue. 
Perhaps I am a die hard optimist, but I don't think that is entirely true.  I believe change begins with a conversation.  It begins with people who are willing to sit down and discuss what the problems are and what can be done to correct them.  Any kind of social revolution begins like this.  That is not to say that a single task force will fix everything, because that isn't true.  I don't see a quick fix happening overnight.  But I do believe that there are people of good will everywhere and that if those people can build some bridges here through the task force, God bless them for trying.  
I also think that we are not just talking about change here.  We are talking about how important it is for Citizens of this State to have their stories heard.  The implementation of justice may be slow, but citizens can obtain some acknowledgment for their hurt and pain through the Task Force simply through the process of being heard and having the recognition of supporters such as ourselves.  The process of telling our stories, speaking up about what we have endured and what we have suffered, this is an important process which should not be denigrated or denied. 
Yes, this initial task force may be hindered from taking meaningful action, but if it simply sits there while we speak of what happened to us, as we put on the record the injuries done to us, as we name names as we hold up to the light the individuals responsible for criminal activities and various wrongdoings against us, there is a triumph to that which should be acknowledged.  If this is all the task force does, thank God for that. 
However, I don't think that this will be all the task force achieves.  I think it will encourage others to come out and speak up about what they have gone through and this means more citizens who are ready to put pressure on our representatives to get something done to reform our State Courts. 
I also want to add that we shouldn't just be coming to this task force to complain.  What we need are concrete plans to make changes in the Connecticut Statutes so that we can rein in the corruption by the implementation of laws that are targeted to prevent it from continuing.  So when it comes to the task force we need to come to the table not only with our stories, but also with our proposals for how we can change the law to prevent these tragic situations from every occurring again. 
I'm not naïve enough to think that a single task force packed with Connecticut Judicial Branch personnel will do it, but we need to begin somewhere.  At some point we have to shift from being victims who distrust any possibility of healing, to survivors who work toward building a system that stops creating more victims, and the responsibility for doing that starts with each and every one of us. 
So, again, I'd say, contact members of the task force, ask them to get things  moving, comment on my blog about how we need to complete the list of appointees at, see below:
And seriously, are all of you prepared with your stories and your proposals so that you can  work with the task force when it is ready to go?  

Sunday, September 1, 2013


I am really happy to have the google translate feature on my blog.  I have a large readership from all over the world and I think the translate feature makes the blog much more accessible to them. 
I'm not sure what the attraction of a blog on legal issues in Connecticut has to people in, say Latvia, but apparently it does.  So I am all for it and will do what I can to make the blog accessible to them. 
Already since I put the google translate feature on the blog, my readership from around the world has more than tripled.  The more information we can get out there the better as far as I am concerned.  I was happy to get some folks from Germany who were willing to share their struggles with me. 
I would like to be able to provide more reports on progress around the world if possible. It is important to be aware that people are facing corruption in family court and with DCF all over the world and not just Connecticut and the U.S. But that is a goal I am still striving for. 


I haven't written on this blog for such a long time.  I'm not even sure if I should, at this point.  However, I did want this blog to be a more casual way to connect with readers, so I hate to neglect it. 
Simply put, I don't write on this blog because blogging takes a considerable amount of time, even when you are discussing very limited topics.  For example, today I just spent three hours writing about Rooker-Feldman and the Domestic Relations Exception. 
These are not complicated issues, but still making sure that I have my facts right takes a considerable amount of time.  I always check and double check the information at various locations online to be sure that what I'm saying is correct. 
I do like the article because I think it does answer that question, the one about why attorneys in family court just don't give a shit about your rights.  The same goes for probate court as far as I can see.  If you go online and google it, probate court is just about the second most corrupt court there is.  And why?  Because there is no federal oversight!  Makes sense, doesn't it! 
Returning to the title of my blog here, I am feeling very satisfied that I've been able to pursue this blog for the last two years.  As a result, I am particularly gratified to find that when I plugged in the terms "Connecticut Divorce Blog" into google, my blog was the first entry.  This is the first time that's happened!   I feel like I've worked very hard to obtain that recognition, to earn the trust of my audience, and to attract the high level of traffic that spends time on my blog.  I'm happy to see that working hard has led to some good results and that I have been part of starting a conversation that I hope will result in the reform of our family court system. 
I want to thank my audience for that because credit really goes to the people who are ready to listen, to learn, and use the information I provide to help others.  The kinds of people I've met through this blog are just like that.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012


"To be honest, I never thought it would happen, but my audience for Divorce in Connecticut is actually growing quite substantially.  Every time I look at the stats section, I am finding that a considerable number of individuals access my blog.  This happens even when I'm not even posting on the blog, or on weekends when blogs ordinarily don't get much traffic.  Wow!  This must mean that I am doing something right. "

I wrote these words six months ago, and was interupted and never got back to them.  But they are true.  I am finding that I am receiving considerable traffic on my blog, and the traffic continues even when I stop posting for several days.  I guess I have enough material so that if I don't have any new posts, people still go to the blog and read up on what I have there. 

 I am so glad that things turned out well, because I wasn't sure if what I had to say was relevant or would be helpful.  It is very comforting for me to know that even if my case isn't going well, or even if my personal life is causing me problems, I can still work on my blog and make a contribution to the lives of others.

I really enjoy the freedom I have to say what I think on the blog, and to post whatever interests me--jokes, videos, songs, reflections, information on the law.  Writing the blog is a very liberating experience.  I may be restricted in so many ways because of the impact that family court has had on me, but here in this blog I can express myself as I wish.  That is very healing for me.