I am regularly contacted by people who are enduring very difficult situations in family court. Many of the people who contact me are hoping that I will write about their case and tell the world what is going on.
As an aside, I do think it is amazing how many people think that if anyone knew what was happening to them, someone would immediately intervene in their horrific family court case. Little do they know that the majority of people who could do something about it, i.e. other attorneys, political advocates, leaders of charitable organizations, clergy, or their neighbors--would never reach out to support them. Once you have been sucked into the dark hole of family court no one wants to touch you.
Why?
In my opinion, this is because people are essentially heartless and once you are in trouble, you just have to find within yourself somewhere the resources necessary to wade your way through the swamp and survive. Perhaps you will make it, most likely you will not. As my parents used to chorus together when they were alive, "Laugh and the world laughs with you, weep and you weep alone." No truer words have ever been said.
These reports of truly horrific family court situations are usually accompanied, as I have said, with a request for help. Of course, I have no help to give particularly. I am not an attorney. I am not particularly well connected. I know important people, but if they were going to do anything, it wouldn't be for a mother, it would be for a father. So there isn't much I can do.
Yes, I can give people a platform, and I can tell their stories, and I don't want to underestimate how important that is to people. It does matter when you have come to the end of the road in your family court disaster and you have lost your kids and every dime you have, and you have lost your standing in the community, and no one will speak to you anymore because they think you are a bad person, to have an article come out explaining what happened from your side of the story. I will never underestimate or devalue how significant it is to have an audience and to have a platform where your suffering and pain will be acknowledged.
However, if a litigant is at the beginning of their trek, if they are still underway in the journey, and there is even a modicum of hope, I absolutely will never tell that story.
Why?
Because if there is any chance that a litigant might somehow be rescued from her situation, I do not want to play a role in preventing her from success. The bottom line is that the CT Judicial Branch is full of spiteful, cruel, and mean individuals and if you expose them in the media, you will definitely never see your children again and you definitely will end up on the street. So I do limit myself to writing about hopeless cases or cases that have played an important role within the family court system but that are maybe 20 to 30 years old. There are many of those and they are always fun to write about.
The other aspect of writing about people's stories has to do with the commitment of this blog to accuracy. I am not willing to write about a litigant's case when I do not have full information. This means that while I may find a story very tragic and saddening, I won't just publish such a story without a considerable amount of scrutiny.
If I write about a litigant's case I usually review the memoranda of decision, the custody evaluation, the GAL report, emails back and forth from the litigant to her attorney and other professionals in the case, motions to the court of every variety, exhibits, and transcripts of court hearings, etc.. If I don't have access to these documents, I will be sympathetic, but I will not go any further.
Anyone who looks at the case studies that I have included on this blog will see that discussions are based fully on the documents and the testimony that has been provided to me.
I am not interested in sensationalism, or heartbreaking stories that are intended to shock and scandalize, I am interested in cases that instruct and edify. This is just the kind of person that I am, and I really have to build on who I am in order to have the kind of website that I consider meets a high standard of accuracy and integrity. Of course, if others choose to do things differently, I am not judging or anything. I'm just talking about what I feel comfortable with for myself.
The plus side of this policy is that you can count on the fact that I am telling the truth to the best of my ability on the blogs I've posted on my website. On the down side, for people who have had enough questioning, who have been mistreated and abused, I am probably not the best person to talk to because I could make a person feel hurt because I don't take what they have to say on face value. One of the prime mandates of the #metoo movements is that you should believe the victims. I do.
However, I am well aware that we live in a pretty harsh world and in order to have a voice, that voice must be vetted. The mothers who have worked with me and undergone this process, who have partnered with me in making sure that I told their stories fully and accurately are real heroines to me. Above all, I have a great deal of admiration and respect for the mothers who have done this and had their stories published on my website in a way that greatly assists and supports other mothers who are struggling with our corrupt family court system. It is my hope that eventually reforms will arise from such stories, and that these mothers will not have suffered in vain.
