Hurray! I finally got around to it! I fixed up my links page so that the links are all in working order and if you click on the page you have a quick description of each link so you know what you are getting into once you click it. Why wasn't this done before, you ask? Because I am lazy, lazy, lazy!
Some of the links' URLs are not self explanatory and knowing what each of them is required me to click on them and do an assessment of what you would find so I could write up a little blurb. Previously, I wasn't prepared to do that, so you had to take the luck of the draw if you clicked on them before today.
So "high 5" guys, no more mystery now. It's all explained and all at your finger tips. Each one of the websites I have listed is useful and valuable when it comes to finding information and support in regard to your high conflict divorce. I will continue to update the page as I go forward.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Monday, January 30, 2012
THE SHENKMAN CASE
I can't help but notice recently, how much attention my blog on the The Shenkman Case is receiving. This is a case where this gentleman burned down two of the marital homes and then took his wife hostage and threatened to kill her.
I know that my tone in this blog is rather edgy and this may shock some people. I think readers and even I sense in myself this feeling of anarchy that underlies the discussion in this posting. Some of this arises from the intensity of the emotions I have experienced during my divorce combined with the strict discipline which I am required to exercise over those emotions. Sometimes, I can't help but let lose verbally.
I think that the edginess in this blog also arises from a feeling of frustration at the legal system that simply fails to respond in the face of crisis and does not protect people who truly need help. At the same time, it places burdens on mentally fragile individuals who are unable to handle those burdens, and the result is often tragic for everyone involved, particularly the children.
I also acknowledge in this blog how angry people are, not only at the system, but also at themselves and often at their former spouses who are often perceived as the source of their suffering. I have listened to a good many people express their wish that the other party, the ex wife or the ex husband would simply die a slow and painful death.
Under the circumstances, it is amazing to me that people show such restraint and act appropriately when deep down they wish to do otherwise. In many respects, this self restraint is an act of courage.
Finally, I think that the edgy tone of this blog could lead people to misinterpret what I am saying. Under no circumstances does this blog in any way condone violence.
I know that my tone in this blog is rather edgy and this may shock some people. I think readers and even I sense in myself this feeling of anarchy that underlies the discussion in this posting. Some of this arises from the intensity of the emotions I have experienced during my divorce combined with the strict discipline which I am required to exercise over those emotions. Sometimes, I can't help but let lose verbally.
I think that the edginess in this blog also arises from a feeling of frustration at the legal system that simply fails to respond in the face of crisis and does not protect people who truly need help. At the same time, it places burdens on mentally fragile individuals who are unable to handle those burdens, and the result is often tragic for everyone involved, particularly the children.
I also acknowledge in this blog how angry people are, not only at the system, but also at themselves and often at their former spouses who are often perceived as the source of their suffering. I have listened to a good many people express their wish that the other party, the ex wife or the ex husband would simply die a slow and painful death.
Under the circumstances, it is amazing to me that people show such restraint and act appropriately when deep down they wish to do otherwise. In many respects, this self restraint is an act of courage.
Finally, I think that the edgy tone of this blog could lead people to misinterpret what I am saying. Under no circumstances does this blog in any way condone violence.
Saturday, January 8, 2011
DID I DO THE RIGHT THING?
It's just before Xmas and I had the big idea to put "Ave Maria" out on my central DIC blog. Was this a good idea or a bad one? What do you think?
Is my audience going to think that I have turned into this deeply religious person who is going to push my views on others and try to make converts? Are people going to start thinking I am Catholic or something? Would it be better to avoid mentioning anything about religion at all, even at this time of the year? I truly had a great many hesitations before I put the song out there because I do not want to alienate anyone. And I come from a family of Atheists and I know how any mention of religion can alienate people like that.
In the end, after thinking the issue through I decided that I should just go with my gut sense of what the DIC blogspot needs and what is the central spirit and intention of the blogspot. At no point do I want to say that I have learned the lessons I've obtained in my struggles trying to handle a high conflict divorce without centering myself spiritually and focusing my efforts on what I understand that God wants me to do.
Every time I get in the car to go to a court hearing, every time I go to a meeting I make sure I pray about it. And since Mary was one of the earliest people to speak out on behalf of the downtrodden, I thought that for this season she was the right person to celebrate. So, for better or for worse, it is out there!
Is my audience going to think that I have turned into this deeply religious person who is going to push my views on others and try to make converts? Are people going to start thinking I am Catholic or something? Would it be better to avoid mentioning anything about religion at all, even at this time of the year? I truly had a great many hesitations before I put the song out there because I do not want to alienate anyone. And I come from a family of Atheists and I know how any mention of religion can alienate people like that.
In the end, after thinking the issue through I decided that I should just go with my gut sense of what the DIC blogspot needs and what is the central spirit and intention of the blogspot. At no point do I want to say that I have learned the lessons I've obtained in my struggles trying to handle a high conflict divorce without centering myself spiritually and focusing my efforts on what I understand that God wants me to do.
Every time I get in the car to go to a court hearing, every time I go to a meeting I make sure I pray about it. And since Mary was one of the earliest people to speak out on behalf of the downtrodden, I thought that for this season she was the right person to celebrate. So, for better or for worse, it is out there!
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Sunday, November 21, 2010
IT'S ALL IN THE DETAILS
Often in my DIC blog I talk about preparing court documents and how much time it takes me. Sometimes I've mentioned how I really want to add to my blog, but can't because there is so much to do for court. Well, here in this blog I am going to share with you exactly why it takes me so long to get the work done. It's all in the details!
I recently had to hand in a brief to the Appellate court and I was getting close to the wire and didn't have much time within which to get it done. What an adventure that turned out to be!
Unfortunately, briefs are written according to a strict format, so I had to make sure that I had everything in order, but I waited to do so at the last minute. What a mistake!
As my last action on behalf of the brief, I took a look at the requirements for a brief in the Practice Book 2010 and realized that there are very distinctive requirements for the margins of a reply brief. One inch on top, one inch on bottom, one inch and 3/4 inch for the left margin and 3/4 inch for the right. To make sure I had it right, I had to go and get a ruler and measure what I had. After printing and reprinting and adjusting again and again, I finally had the margins approximately where they were supposed to me, though there was no way I could be exact.
Unfortunately, I had a bit of a problem because I was on the verge of running out of paper and the finall sheaf of paper I found was overly thick and a little problematic for my printer to even use--every time a sheet came out the machine moaned and groaned and shrieked like I was killing it!
After, I was done, I went to staples to make my twenty copies. What the Court requires is an original and sixteen copies. Then I also have to make additional copies for the parties involved and then I usually add an extra copy for me. Unfortunately, when I was at Staples, I realized I had made the copies without signing my original meant that what I got was twenty unsigned copies. So I had to rexerox the final three pages with my signature on it and then toss the unsigned copies and put the whole thing together.
Depending on the brief you have, there are also requirements about the color of the cover sheet--blue, pink, or white. Oh, and then on top of this you have to secure the brief with three staples at specific locations on the brief so I had to measure out where I put the staples on each of the twenty briefs I copied.
Finally done after a few hours of this, I made a quick trip to Subway because I was starving, ate really quickly because I had to get everything to court as soon as possible, and drove into Hartford.
When I got to Hartford I parked my car near the 2nd Church of Christ Scientist which is near by where the appellate court is. Just getting a parking sticker for my car was a challenge in itself equal to writing the brief. I have had to just take a fine several times when I've tried to get the sticker out of the parking kiosk because the darned machine is so complicated, complicated enough to make you want to kick the dang thing.
On that day, I went and tried to submit my brief to the appellate clerk. First off he asks me if my original is truly an original. I'm like, "Weeelllll, it sort of isn't because the paper I used on my original was too thick and I didn't think you'd want paper that thick so I copied my original and have used that copy as the original." The clerk didn't like that, but he took one of my twenty copies and stamped one with the word "original" in purple letters.
Then the clerk looked at it again and said, "Well, you have too many pages in your brief and we can't accept it as it is." Oh, dang, what happened was that when I adjusted the margins so they conformed to the requirements of the court, that ended up adding an extra page to the brief and I was so focused on the problem of getting the margins right I hadn't noticed. Looking at the clerk as the realization slowly spread through me, I had this panicked clutchy feeling around my heart. That day was the final deadline for getting the brief in, and I had to get the brief in that day or else. So I was like, "Well, can't you accept it anyway?" And the clerk looked at me deadpan and said, "No." "I'm like, so what can I do." "Well," he said, "You can take the brief home and cut parts out of it so it conforms to court requirements."
Now, I knew there was no way I was going to drive one hour back home, spend an hour cutting the brief, and then spend another hour driving back to the courthouse. No way, I'd been up practically all night the night before, I was just too tired. So I was like, "Well, what if I don't want to do that?" I don't know, but maybe it's my teacher kid guilt, but I swear when I said that the clerk looked at me with disapproval for my unwillingness to go the extra mile and go home and back. Even so, I wasn't going to budge. "What are my other options?" I asked. "You can write a letter to the judge and ask for permission to file the brief with extra pages." said the clerk. I said, "OK, that's what I'll do. Could you get me the name of the judge I have to write this request to?"
Needless to say, the clerk made it hard for me to get the exact name. He walked several feet away from me, turned his back to me, and through the name over his shoulder. I just about got the first name and a bit of the second name threw the glass partition, enough for me to keep on trying to figure it out at the judicial library next door.
My next challenge was to find a computer where I could print out my request--the judicial library was just fine for that. I asked the librarian there to find the name of the judge, but she couldn't figure it out after looking through several official looking legal books. After watching her for a while, I finally googled the information.
Just between you and me, watching her was like watching a movie scene--I swear I've seen it in some popular movie--where the villain makes all sorts of high powered karate moves and the hero just pulls out his gun and shoots him dead. I think what I did rises to that level. Google is just like the guy with the gun! Pow!
Then I was typing up the letter when it struck me, how the heck do you address a letter to a judge--dear your honorable reverend judge sir? And how do you address the envelope of the letter to the judge, versus how do you do the saluation to the judge in the letter--they are different, in fact. So I went back into consultation with the librarian to get that information, which she provided to me.
I printed the letter out and returned to the appellate court with my "original" brief and the copies and handed it in. "So what now?" I asked. "We will submit the request to the judge and see what he says." said the clerk. Just to get clarity, because if you don't pursue these guys and ask for specific information, it is amazing how you can get screwed, so I asked him, "Is this brief now accepted by your office." "No," he answered, "unless the judge agrees to accept the brief despite the fact that it goes over the page limit, I have the brief, but it is not officially accepted by this office."
I'm like, (to myself in my head) so what if the judge says no, then I have missed the deadline for handing in the brief, so where does that leave me? I was going to articulate this thought to the clerk, but already having dealt with his lack of interest I just figured I'd let go, give the problem to the universe and check in with the clerk at a later date.
In fact, I did call a few days later and the judge had accepted the brief, extra page and all. Apparently, judges rarely deny a request of this kind, but still, he could have looked at me and decided to make an exception--there is always that time just in time for you when a judge will do something unexpected. Never say never.
Bottom line is, I spent hours on this stuff, margins, deadlines, signatures, page limitations, requests to the judge, driving in and out, worrying about forms of address, and I didn't even deal with anything significantly legal. Amazing! You've got to hand it to the legal system; it's a place where trivia rules and nitpickers finally have the opportunity to have their say, and God bless them! If that's what it takes to get clarity, I guess it's worth it! At least, I think it is...Hmmmm.
I recently had to hand in a brief to the Appellate court and I was getting close to the wire and didn't have much time within which to get it done. What an adventure that turned out to be!
Unfortunately, briefs are written according to a strict format, so I had to make sure that I had everything in order, but I waited to do so at the last minute. What a mistake!
As my last action on behalf of the brief, I took a look at the requirements for a brief in the Practice Book 2010 and realized that there are very distinctive requirements for the margins of a reply brief. One inch on top, one inch on bottom, one inch and 3/4 inch for the left margin and 3/4 inch for the right. To make sure I had it right, I had to go and get a ruler and measure what I had. After printing and reprinting and adjusting again and again, I finally had the margins approximately where they were supposed to me, though there was no way I could be exact.
Unfortunately, I had a bit of a problem because I was on the verge of running out of paper and the finall sheaf of paper I found was overly thick and a little problematic for my printer to even use--every time a sheet came out the machine moaned and groaned and shrieked like I was killing it!
After, I was done, I went to staples to make my twenty copies. What the Court requires is an original and sixteen copies. Then I also have to make additional copies for the parties involved and then I usually add an extra copy for me. Unfortunately, when I was at Staples, I realized I had made the copies without signing my original meant that what I got was twenty unsigned copies. So I had to rexerox the final three pages with my signature on it and then toss the unsigned copies and put the whole thing together.
Depending on the brief you have, there are also requirements about the color of the cover sheet--blue, pink, or white. Oh, and then on top of this you have to secure the brief with three staples at specific locations on the brief so I had to measure out where I put the staples on each of the twenty briefs I copied.
Finally done after a few hours of this, I made a quick trip to Subway because I was starving, ate really quickly because I had to get everything to court as soon as possible, and drove into Hartford.
When I got to Hartford I parked my car near the 2nd Church of Christ Scientist which is near by where the appellate court is. Just getting a parking sticker for my car was a challenge in itself equal to writing the brief. I have had to just take a fine several times when I've tried to get the sticker out of the parking kiosk because the darned machine is so complicated, complicated enough to make you want to kick the dang thing.
On that day, I went and tried to submit my brief to the appellate clerk. First off he asks me if my original is truly an original. I'm like, "Weeelllll, it sort of isn't because the paper I used on my original was too thick and I didn't think you'd want paper that thick so I copied my original and have used that copy as the original." The clerk didn't like that, but he took one of my twenty copies and stamped one with the word "original" in purple letters.
Then the clerk looked at it again and said, "Well, you have too many pages in your brief and we can't accept it as it is." Oh, dang, what happened was that when I adjusted the margins so they conformed to the requirements of the court, that ended up adding an extra page to the brief and I was so focused on the problem of getting the margins right I hadn't noticed. Looking at the clerk as the realization slowly spread through me, I had this panicked clutchy feeling around my heart. That day was the final deadline for getting the brief in, and I had to get the brief in that day or else. So I was like, "Well, can't you accept it anyway?" And the clerk looked at me deadpan and said, "No." "I'm like, so what can I do." "Well," he said, "You can take the brief home and cut parts out of it so it conforms to court requirements."
Now, I knew there was no way I was going to drive one hour back home, spend an hour cutting the brief, and then spend another hour driving back to the courthouse. No way, I'd been up practically all night the night before, I was just too tired. So I was like, "Well, what if I don't want to do that?" I don't know, but maybe it's my teacher kid guilt, but I swear when I said that the clerk looked at me with disapproval for my unwillingness to go the extra mile and go home and back. Even so, I wasn't going to budge. "What are my other options?" I asked. "You can write a letter to the judge and ask for permission to file the brief with extra pages." said the clerk. I said, "OK, that's what I'll do. Could you get me the name of the judge I have to write this request to?"
Needless to say, the clerk made it hard for me to get the exact name. He walked several feet away from me, turned his back to me, and through the name over his shoulder. I just about got the first name and a bit of the second name threw the glass partition, enough for me to keep on trying to figure it out at the judicial library next door.
My next challenge was to find a computer where I could print out my request--the judicial library was just fine for that. I asked the librarian there to find the name of the judge, but she couldn't figure it out after looking through several official looking legal books. After watching her for a while, I finally googled the information.
Just between you and me, watching her was like watching a movie scene--I swear I've seen it in some popular movie--where the villain makes all sorts of high powered karate moves and the hero just pulls out his gun and shoots him dead. I think what I did rises to that level. Google is just like the guy with the gun! Pow!
Then I was typing up the letter when it struck me, how the heck do you address a letter to a judge--dear your honorable reverend judge sir? And how do you address the envelope of the letter to the judge, versus how do you do the saluation to the judge in the letter--they are different, in fact. So I went back into consultation with the librarian to get that information, which she provided to me.
I printed the letter out and returned to the appellate court with my "original" brief and the copies and handed it in. "So what now?" I asked. "We will submit the request to the judge and see what he says." said the clerk. Just to get clarity, because if you don't pursue these guys and ask for specific information, it is amazing how you can get screwed, so I asked him, "Is this brief now accepted by your office." "No," he answered, "unless the judge agrees to accept the brief despite the fact that it goes over the page limit, I have the brief, but it is not officially accepted by this office."
I'm like, (to myself in my head) so what if the judge says no, then I have missed the deadline for handing in the brief, so where does that leave me? I was going to articulate this thought to the clerk, but already having dealt with his lack of interest I just figured I'd let go, give the problem to the universe and check in with the clerk at a later date.
In fact, I did call a few days later and the judge had accepted the brief, extra page and all. Apparently, judges rarely deny a request of this kind, but still, he could have looked at me and decided to make an exception--there is always that time just in time for you when a judge will do something unexpected. Never say never.
Bottom line is, I spent hours on this stuff, margins, deadlines, signatures, page limitations, requests to the judge, driving in and out, worrying about forms of address, and I didn't even deal with anything significantly legal. Amazing! You've got to hand it to the legal system; it's a place where trivia rules and nitpickers finally have the opportunity to have their say, and God bless them! If that's what it takes to get clarity, I guess it's worth it! At least, I think it is...Hmmmm.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
TESTIMONY FROM FAMILY MEMBERS! WHAT IS IT WORTH?
As I wrote the blog regarding Linda Wiegand and what has been said against her, I think the most troubling information that bothered me were the accusations from family members. Linda Wiegand's own nephew accuses her of sexually abusing him. Her MOTHER says she thinks that Linda Wiegand is abusing her own children.
Of course, we aren't getting a professional collection of information here. What does it mean that the nephew accused Linda Wiegand sexually abusing him--does that mean she made an off color sexual remark or that she actually did something to him physically? Also, the same goes for the report from Linda Wiegand's mother. What did she mean when she said that Linda Wiegand was abusing the children? Did she mean actual sexual abuse or did it mean that she felt uncomfortable that the children were talking about sexual matters beyond their age and she just assumed that Linda had something to do with it. Who knows?
We don't get much clarification of this point and in order to draw any kinds of conclusions we have to know more specifically what this testimony was. Otherwise, I have got to say that when it comes to high conflict divorce, even when a family member makes a comment or an observation, it is not clear to me that the remarks can be taken seriously.
Often, victims of abuse comes from very dysfunctional families--this is why they are such good targets for abusers, because they are not able to read the advanced warning signs and stay away.
When it comes to abusers, many come from dysfunctional families that created the tendency to abuse anyway and many are to charmed by their own family members they are unable to understand that what they have is an abuser in the family. They are only too willing to believe the stories they are told that justify what the abusers have done to their victims, many of whom often comes from the families themselves.
In my situation, my family had no understanding that abuse was going on and when I filed for divorce they took the abusers' side. They were only too willing to believe that I was unstable and during the time that my custody evaluation took place they were noticeably silent. It was only as the months went on and what my ex was doing became more obvious that my parents finally woke up and realized what was going on. Then they stood up for me, perhaps providing me too little too late, but, of course, that was better than nothing at all.
Ultimately, what I'm saying is, I would be very skeptical of what families have to say. I do report that this was what investigators reported about Linda Wiegand, but it isn't high up in the scale of evidence as far as I'm concerned.
Of course, we aren't getting a professional collection of information here. What does it mean that the nephew accused Linda Wiegand sexually abusing him--does that mean she made an off color sexual remark or that she actually did something to him physically? Also, the same goes for the report from Linda Wiegand's mother. What did she mean when she said that Linda Wiegand was abusing the children? Did she mean actual sexual abuse or did it mean that she felt uncomfortable that the children were talking about sexual matters beyond their age and she just assumed that Linda had something to do with it. Who knows?
We don't get much clarification of this point and in order to draw any kinds of conclusions we have to know more specifically what this testimony was. Otherwise, I have got to say that when it comes to high conflict divorce, even when a family member makes a comment or an observation, it is not clear to me that the remarks can be taken seriously.
Often, victims of abuse comes from very dysfunctional families--this is why they are such good targets for abusers, because they are not able to read the advanced warning signs and stay away.
When it comes to abusers, many come from dysfunctional families that created the tendency to abuse anyway and many are to charmed by their own family members they are unable to understand that what they have is an abuser in the family. They are only too willing to believe the stories they are told that justify what the abusers have done to their victims, many of whom often comes from the families themselves.
In my situation, my family had no understanding that abuse was going on and when I filed for divorce they took the abusers' side. They were only too willing to believe that I was unstable and during the time that my custody evaluation took place they were noticeably silent. It was only as the months went on and what my ex was doing became more obvious that my parents finally woke up and realized what was going on. Then they stood up for me, perhaps providing me too little too late, but, of course, that was better than nothing at all.
Ultimately, what I'm saying is, I would be very skeptical of what families have to say. I do report that this was what investigators reported about Linda Wiegand, but it isn't high up in the scale of evidence as far as I'm concerned.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
JUST SO YOU KNOW!
You may have seen a new section in the pages section called Cathy's Divorce in Connecticut Store. What I am trying to do is link up with Amazon so that I can advertise for sale books written by people I admire and respect such as Lundy Bancroft. However, I haven't yet been able to activate the store because I can't figure out their darned directions.
It's kind of a situation where the spirit is willing but the brains are weak.
Meanwhile, I can see how I can actually add these what are called "widgets" into my blog posts which do the same thing as a blogsite store. Unfortunately, I haven't monetized this particular blogsite--my Making of DIC blog. Perhaps I'll get into it one day when I'm more skillful and it doesn't take me hours to hit the correct buttons.
Meanwhile, if you see funny things going on in my Cathy store, or the widgets look funny in my daily blogs, don't get too worked up about it. I will eventually figure it all out, it will just take me a little time.
And before you get all indignant and say to yourself, that Cathy just wants to make bucks on exploiting us readers, keep in mind that in the two months that I've had the DIC blogsite going I have earned all of $.70.
I'm actually allowing the monetization simply because I think it makes me appear to be somewhat more open to the world, more in the mainstream, rather than just focused in on my little world. Of course, that could be just an illusion, but I truly am trying. OK, Ok, I'm just joking.
Anyway, let me know what you think about the general look, and if you have ideas about how to use blogger more effectively, I'm delighted to hear it.
It's kind of a situation where the spirit is willing but the brains are weak.
Meanwhile, I can see how I can actually add these what are called "widgets" into my blog posts which do the same thing as a blogsite store. Unfortunately, I haven't monetized this particular blogsite--my Making of DIC blog. Perhaps I'll get into it one day when I'm more skillful and it doesn't take me hours to hit the correct buttons.
Meanwhile, if you see funny things going on in my Cathy store, or the widgets look funny in my daily blogs, don't get too worked up about it. I will eventually figure it all out, it will just take me a little time.
And before you get all indignant and say to yourself, that Cathy just wants to make bucks on exploiting us readers, keep in mind that in the two months that I've had the DIC blogsite going I have earned all of $.70.
I'm actually allowing the monetization simply because I think it makes me appear to be somewhat more open to the world, more in the mainstream, rather than just focused in on my little world. Of course, that could be just an illusion, but I truly am trying. OK, Ok, I'm just joking.
Anyway, let me know what you think about the general look, and if you have ideas about how to use blogger more effectively, I'm delighted to hear it.
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